When I started this blog, my life seemed pretty bleak. My world was very small. I weighed 344 lbs and was anxiously waiting on a vendor to pay me for services rendered so I could take that money and pay for my weight loss surgery.
I finally got paid, and had my surgery. And after surviving those 2 days of vomiting non-stop post-surgery, I haven’t looked back!
However, this being the last day of 2012 and all, it seems fitting to look back on the year for a recap and to discuss the lessons learned.
1) Sometimes, hitting rock bottom is a good thing.
For the first 6 months of 2012, I was in a constant state of longing for a better life. But I felt powerless to change it.
I hated my great job. I hated my boss. I hated not having any kind of a life. I hated being tired all of the time. Every day, I’d say to myself, “Tomorrow/Monday/InsertAnyArbitraryStartDateHere, I’m going to start exercising/dieting/studying/InsertAnyArbitraryGoalHere!” But that day would never come and I would never start any of my goals. It just led to a deeper and deeper spiral of depression and despair. But I never seemed to get low enough.
That is, until I finally hit my bottom. It was one single, solitary event that caused me to see that no matter where I went or what I did, I needed to make drastic changes if I ever wanted a way out of obesity and all the problems it brought. Once I made up my mind, it was only a matter of being patient and allowing the future to unfold.
2) It’s best to just be honest with yourself, and your God.
Sometimes we can make a decision with absolute certainty (like when we’ve hit rock bottom) and just start moving forward. Other times, we can know that we need to make a decision, but there is still doubt. More often than not, it’s the latter case. I’ve found myself in this predicament too many times to count! I’ve gone back and forth over career choices, education choices, etc.! What I’ve discovered though, is that when I’m honest about what I really, Really, REALLY want, the reason I sometimes can’t make a decision is because I just haven’t been honest enough with myself.
It’s scary sometimes, to actually be honest about those things we desire deep within our hearts. No one understands. Sometimes we ourselves might not understand. Yet, the truth in our hearts never lies. Never. Even if you can’t say it out loud, you should still be able to tell the truth to yourself and to God. Don’t explain it away, or rationalize why you want what you want. Sometimes you just need to honestly accept what it is you feel…and then release it into the universe.
And trust that God will help with the rest.
3) It takes time to get to the good stuff!
When I look back on this past year, I’ve had a lot of successes. A lot of blessings. I just had my 6-month surgiversary where I proudly announced having lost 89 lbs from my highest weight of 344 lbs. I can look back on who and how I used to be compared to where I am now, and I see so much growth mentally, spiritually and emotionally. But I can also now see just how much farther I still need to go in all those areas as well.
It hasn’t been an easy, coasting 6 months. Finding new ways to just be, when the old way was to eat myself into numbness, has been one emotional roller coaster after another…and it continues to be just that! But 6 months has allowed me to see such progress that for me represents a miracle. I honestly don’t know how I got to this point. I hoped for it, I prayed for it, longed for it, but to actually be where I am today? I never knew it would feel this good.
I now know it’s been the daily grind that’s gotten me here. I now understand that the place where change resides is not in some grandiose proclamation made on New Year’s Day. It’s in doing the small, quiet, patient work…every day.
I wish I had discovered this Aha! moment sooner. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had to lose some other things. Regardless, I know now that miracles can and do happen. All I have to do is show up and do the work…daily. God will take care of the rest.
4) Gratitude is key!
This one I’m still working on for sure! But I recognize (usually after the fact) that it is so extremely important to be grateful and to search daily for examples of things you can be grateful for. Not only does gratitude keep you in check so that you don’t get too far out there on the complaining limb, but gratitude is a vibration. And if you will allow it, it can help change your perspective. It can help keep you calm. It can help you keep…period!
Tomorrow, we start a new year. And for the first time in over a decade, I feel so genuinely optimistic about my future. I look forward to reaching my goal weight in 2013. I look forward to finding true, lasting love in 2013. I look forward to meeting the man with whom I’ll start my family in 2013. I look forward to more and more happiness EVERY DAY of 2013.
I know it will happen, because I’m starting NOW!